Vera Gruver

“Ooh, hot-to-trot!” Vera Gruver told her daughter as Deb played Elvis for her, dancing around a hospital bed set up in the living room of her apartment for her final two days.

The Vera G died hours after her Elvis serenade, sassy to the end.

Vera was born in Warsaw, Indiana. She died February 13, 2025, in Wichita. She was 87.

The Vera G — as she was known by friends of all ages — loved dancing, singing, giggling, KU basketball (the only time she wore her hearing aids was when her team played), her granddogs, chocolate, water skiing in her younger years, scary movies, scaring her daughter, Little Debbie Oatmeal Crème Pies, perusing fashion magazines to find out what was “in” so she could drop hints about shopping excursions, road trips, custard pie, and her ever-present Cover Girl bronzed peach lipstick.

She survived a childhood that was the stuff of an Oprah Winfrey show. Her father died in 1945, when she was 8, leaving behind three children. Her sweet mother could no longer mother, turning to alcohol to cope. Vera spent much of her childhood and young adulthood seeing her mom’s name in the newspaper — yet again — for various types of arrests. When she was 16, Vera moved into her own apartment after a particularly difficult night at home, supporting herself by working at Ramsey News Company. She continued to make sure her mother kept a roof over her head and food in the fridge.

She grew up in abject poverty with an outhouse and without a car.

The day after her mother burned down a motel room while drunk and smoking, Vera was walking to school and saw her mother on the opposite side of the street. Someone urged her to ignore her mother, but Vera couldn’t.

“That’s my mom,” Vera said, crossing the street to hug her and ask whether she needed anything.

Vera always crossed the street for others and raised her daughter to do the same. Deb is writing a book about her mom titled “Crossing the Street: Lessons from My Mother.”

Vera later met and married a Columbia City, Indiana, boy. That he was from Columbia City — Warsaw’s rival — should have been a red flag. They lived in Indiana and Iowa before moving to Garden City, Kansas. Vera and Floyd divorced in 1984. It broke her heart because all she’d ever wanted was a “normal” family. She was a fabulous wife and mother.

The VG always said her late 40s and 50s were the best years of her life. A homemaker before the divorce, she hustled, working three jobs — all physically taxing — for the rest of her working life.

She eventually moved from Garden City to the ICT to be near her only child. Not one to sit around, she volunteered for more than 15 years at Via Christi St. Joseph Hospital, working several days a week. The volunteer coordinator always counted on Vera when someone called out.

The VG hated Wichita. Kansas’ biggest small city was like New York City to her — even though she’d never been to New York. She called Wichita “Cone City” because of what she considered endless road construction.

She became friends with several hospital volunteers who regularly met for lunch as well as people close to her daughter and son-in-law. She had little use for “old people,” even at 87.

Vera got sick with lung cancer, emphysema and COPD in 2019 and landed in the hospital for the first time since 1967, when she gave birth to her daughter.

She had to quit volunteering and was on oxygen 24/7. The former Energizer Bunny’s quality of life tanked. Her beloved pulmonologist, Dr. O, doted on her. VG always made sure that her wig looked good and that she was wearing lipstick when she saw Dr. O.

Vera fell and broke her hip Feb. 3, 2025. It became clearer than ever that Vera was ready to die. So, after surgery for her hip, her family brought her home from Via Christi St. Francis Hospital instead of to a rehab center. Elevate Hospice helped care for her.

Vera died in her sleep.

Vera was her daughter’s sun, moon and all her stars. The Vera G Crossing the Street Investigative Journalism Scholarship through the Society of Professional Journalists Kansas Pro Chapter will honor her annually.

Family and friends will celebrate her life when the weather becomes warmer with a backyard party featuring music, miniature horses, her favorite fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and cake. Her remains will be scattered in Garden City, Wichita, Lawrence, Warsaw and Maine. Some of her remains will be combined with that of her best friend, Lucy, a chocolate lab her daughter adopted.

Memorials may be made in her name to StepStone, which serves survivors of domestic violence and their children, or the Kansas Humane Society.

To best honor Vera, please cross the street for others. Give when you can. Recognize that every person has value. Vera often said she was “just” a housekeeper.

Vera was not “just” anything.

She was everything.

Vera is survived by her daughter, Deb Gruver; son-in-law Joshua Wood; sister Donna Hopkins; two nieces; one nephew; and longtime pen pal Ricki Dee Beauman.

To send flowers to the family or plant a tree in memory of Vera Gruver, please visit our floral store.